Recovery after surgery brings challenges and self-criticism. Read about my journey towards inner strength through honest reflection and self-compassion.
There was a slight setback
After the surgery I had a couple of weeks ago, I'm still in the middle of a recovery process, where the days aren't what I want them to be. I find that my body is weak, my mood is down, and I always end up eating something unhealthy to compensate. After nine days at home, I had started to hope that my body was finally on the road to recovery - but here I am still. Where? Yes, on the couch without being allowed to do anything that gets my heart rate up. NOTHING!
Challenges and setbacks
Shortly after the surgery, when they had to do most of the stitching after removing a crown—a procedure that left a wound that reached all the way to my sinuses—I was told that the wound wasn’t healing fast enough. This meant I had to start another course of penicillin, which meant another five days of forced bed rest. This unexpected setback compounded the frustration of having to put my training on hold even longer.
Have you ever experienced unexpected obstacles turning your plans upside down?
The inner critic
With the extra days of medication and time indoors, the mind begins to spin. The inner critic takes every opportunity to whisper its negative words:
- You're not good enough for the World Cup.
- How are you going to get in shape for that?
- You have far too little time to practice!
- You are not capable of this!
- Your body probably can't handle it.
- You are too old.
- Get down to earth.
- Are you really going to put yourself through this?
- What if people don't support you – can you stand it?
These phrases constantly remind me of the underlying fear and uncertainty that lurks in the shadows, and they become clearer with every challenge I face.
Have you ever felt like the negative voice is stopping you from taking the next step?
Ambitions mixed with uncertainty and a little fear
The dream of competing in the World Championships in December stands in stark contrast to my current situation. This contradiction triggers a series of silly fears.
I feel a slight fear of failure – not only physically, but also on a personal level. At the same time, there is a growing anxiety about losing control of both my body and the goal I have set for myself. In addition, there is a mild fear of other people's judgments, which sometimes makes me doubt my choices.
Have you also experienced that even small setbacks can trigger such uncertainties when big ambitions are put to the test?
Learning and self-care
Despite the imposed calm, I see this period as an opportunity to learn more about myself. In those quiet moments, I find space to listen to my true voice – the one that reminds me that healing is not always about rapid progress, but about patience and self-care. Research in sports psychology shows that negative thought patterns and self-criticism are common, especially after injuries, and methods such as cognitive behavioral therapy and self-compassion can be the key to better mental health. I therefore choose to face the challenges with compassion for myself. By "taking the elevator down" from the busy mind and finding peace in my heart, I open up for a softer and more supportive inner dialogue.
Have you ever questioned your own negative thoughts to find a more encouraging path?
The way forward
This time of calm forces me to be honest with myself. While I long to return to dancing, training, and the feeling of mastery, I am learning to accept that this break is also a valuable time for reflection and growth. When my body is one day ready to move again, I will face the new challenge with renewed strength and a heart that has learned to value patience and self-care.
How do you handle the moments when your ambitions simultaneously arouse insecurity or fear in you?
